Thursday, December 23, 2010

Great support site...

I joined a great site for people with all sorts of concerns. DailyStrength

A new friend messaged me today after reading some of my blog posts here and this is her letter to me. I feel it should be shared because I think it makes things quite simple to understand. I wish I really understood this a year ago...

Thanks to the link to your blog.
Just a quick scan has me concerned.
You said:
I am hoping to see a different Dr. soon. I'm looking to get better results and a real game plan that I feel comfortable with.

I know it's difficult to find doctors with an interest and experience with Graves'. Best question I had for them was, "How many patients do you have on ATDs at this time" It seemed to cut to the quick and not waste my time. My family practitioner said 9 long term and my endo said 15 or 18 long term. Both of them knew how my antibodies work, to not expect a TSH, and the right tests to order.

That doesn't mean they knew exactly where within the normal range my personal set point for FT4 was...but I had doctors that I could work with, and neither of them fired patients or forced them into RAI if the patient didn't happen to hit remission by a predetermined calendar date.

I don't see the correct lab tests being taken for you.

Take this one for example:
10/25/10 Most Recent
TSH 3rd Gen.: 3.5 (Range: 0.40-4.50)
T4 Total: 4.8 (Range: 4.5-12.5)
Free T4 (T7): 1.3 - Low (Range: 1.4 - 3.8)
T3 Uptake: 28 (Range: 22-35)

TSH.. with Graves' antibodies we only have any TSH when we are either overdosed on ATDs , with thyroid hormones too low for our bodies needs, or when our antibodies lessen and we near remission. Graves' antibodies work in place of TSH.

T4 total.. totals are most often falsely elevated in women, due to our estrogen. Slightly above the range is seen often, and normal for that person.

FreeT4 ( T7) is NOT the correct FT4 test. It is a mathematical estimation of what the FT4 might be, using the total T4 and the T3 uptake. This number can be erratic. It's outdated and seldom ordered anymore. We do have accurate tests available now.

T3 uptake.. is not a test of T3 thyroid hormone, but a measurement of binding proteins.

So really.. you have no way with these tests to have any idea what your thyroid levels are.

Given the amount of time you've been on an above average dose of the MMI, I imagine the idea of what hyper and hypo feel like are all mixed up. At least it was for me. Hypo and hyper symptoms over lap a lot. Plus symptoms vary by the amount of hypo or hyper we are. If I'm just a tiny bit hypo I do feel very hyper. Only after I am very, very hypo do I start to get classic hypo symptoms.

Sadly being held on too high of a dose and being told we are "normal", while we are more and more miserable, and starting to wonder if we might have gone slightly mad, is pretty darn common.

First order of business in getting the right lab tests run.
Many times we find a family practice or general practitioner works best, if that's a possibility.

Best source of current info here:

Hovering over that top line of subject areas will lead you around her site. Elaine is a big part of the reason for my successful outcome. All articles have good references listed at the end.

 I hope this will help someone like it's helped me.

It's been a seems

Wow, so much has happened since I last wrote...
I've been on quite the roller-coaster emotionally and physically (figuratively speaking). My husband and I moved back across the country from LA to NJ. The packing, the stress!, the packing, the crappy food, the non-stop coffee drinking to stay awake, driving through hills and mountains (roller coasters) and now the non-stop (it seems) Un-packing! Phew, it has been quite a stressful past few weeks.
Right before we left LA, my thyroid was so swollen I could see the perfect outline on my neck. I could barely swallow unless it was food. I was a little worried about the size, but I didn't really feel much different than expected stress so I didn't do anything about it. By the third day into the trip, most of the swelling had gone down...and now it looks back to the normal swelling. Swallowing is still a little difficult, but it's been that way since my reduction of medication. I'm thinking the crappy food and stress were to blame for the larger than normal size... As soon as I get health insurance straightened out, I will hopefully being seeing the Dr. who diagnosed me. He was really nice and explained things well from what I remember. I am hoping that he really is as good as I think...

I am feeling a little stressed/worried/confused lately about this disease. I do feel as though I understand quite a bit about the thyroid, the effects and the way the medication is supposed to work, but what I don't understand nor can I find much information online about is, How will this disease affect me, once my thyroid is under control...?
Graves' is an Autoimmune once my thyroid is not longer affected (by remission, killing it or removal) what part of my body will GD start attacking next? Will it attack anything? I've read about TED (eye disease) and the Graves' Dermopathy. I also understand that having one autoimmune disease makes me susceptible to others, but is there anything else that is possible?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Need to vent! So frustrated!!!!

Ok, so on Nov. 1st, my Dr. reduced my dose of medication from 20mg/day (10mg/2xday) to 15mg/day (7.5mg/2x day). Since then I've been feeling hypER again. All the regular symptoms started popping up, but my mood swings and anxiety are starting to become unbearable. I hate feeling like this!
I called my Dr. on 11/18 and left a voice-mail explaining that I feel hyper and I'd like to talk to her about it and maybe get my dosage increased again until we can get a set game plan.
I received her response on my voice-mail later in the day. It was the shortest message I ever received from a Dr., "Hi Julie, You are not hyper.  Your last report does not indicate that you are hyper, if anything you are hypo. Call me on Monday."

Well now, let me get this straight Dr.!?!
At my last appointment you tell me my levels are ok, and you want to "see what reducing my medication will do.", so I take less, as prescribed, but almost instantly I start feeling hyper! 
Now you are telling me that because my labs, from when I was on a higher dose, report that I was ok, that I am suddenly hypO? Where'd that come from? And then you are going to completely rely on what a piece of paper says instead of how I, the patient, FEEL? 

I did not call her back right away as I was too aggravated. She called again and left another  message pretty much stating the same thing and suggested that I see my primary Dr. if I feel it necessary. I called and left her a message and faxed over a request for my medical records. I am hoping to see a different Dr. soon. I'm looking to get better results and a real game plan that I feel comfortable with.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Should I be worried?

So I weighed myself this morning for the first time since reducing my medication. I've lost a few pounds. My other hyper symptoms continue....Anxiety is the biggest one popping up lately, as well as feeling OCD... =( (I've never felt or at least been aware that I feel OCD before being diagnosed)

The one thing that has me a little worried is, I've been feeling so COLD! Now granted the weather is changing, but I live in SoCal, the lowest temp I've seen is 54 at night. But I am walking around with gloves on work with the temp being around 70. My core feels comfortable/warm, but but my fingers feel like they are turning into icicles. Is this "normal" for someone who's hypERtyhroid? Could this be a good sign that my levels are starting to regulate? I hope someone has some insight, I'm baffled.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Labs with Ranges

Ok, so here are my labs and what the report states as the ranges. 
My Dr. says I'm "within normal range", but I do not feel like I am. Unless of course I just don't remember What "Normal" is anymore... I did feel the best when taking 30mg/day of methimezole.

TSH 3rd Gen.: 0.01 - Low  (Range: 0.40 - 4.50)
T4 Total: 7.4 (Range: 4.5 -12.5)
Free T4 (T7): 2.2 (Range: 1.4 - 3.8)
T3 Uptake: 30 (Range: 22-35)

TSH 3rd Gen.: 0.29 - Low (Range: 0.40 - 4.50)
T4 Total: 5.4 (Range: 4.5 - 12.5)
Free T4 (T7): 1.6 (Range: 1.4 - 3.8)
T3 Uptake: 30 (Range: 22 - 35)
Medication reduced about a week after these results. Started feeling crappy again...

TSH 3rd Gen.:1.4 (Range: 0.40-4.50)
T4 Total: 6.0 (Range: 4.5-12.5)
Free T4 (T7):1.8 (Range: 1.4 - 3.8)
T3 Uptake: 30 (Range: 22-35)

10/25/10 Most Recent
TSH 3rd Gen.: 3.5 (Range: 0.40-4.50)
T4 Total: 4.8 (Range: 4.5-12.5)
Free T4 (T7): 1.3 - Low (Range: 1.4 - 3.8)
T3 Uptake: 28 (Range: 22-35)

I'd also like to mention that I was tested for Vitamin D levels and I am so glad I take it.

Vit. D: 24 (Range of 30-100)

8/3/10 - on 50,000 ui/2 x week
Vit. D: 64 (Range of 30-100)

10/25/10 - on 1,000 ui/day
Vit. D: 41 (Range of 30-100)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Reducing my dose of meds again...

Ok, so I went to my Endocrinologist today. It's been over two months now since she reduced my medication. (From 30mg/day to 20mg/day) My last visit showed that my levels were raised, but she said I should continue with the dosage. 

Here are my levels from the past few months:

TSH 3rd Gen.: 0.01 - Low
T4 Total: 7.4
Free T4 (T7): 2.2
T3 Uptake: 30

TSH 3rd Gen.: 0.29 - Low
T4 Total: 5.4
Free T4 (T7): 1.6
T3 Uptake: 30

Medication reduced about a week after the above results.

TSH 3rd Gen.:1.4
T4 Total: 6.0
Free T4 (T7):1.8
T3 Uptake: 30

10/25/10 Most Recent
TSH 3rd Gen.: 3.5
T4 Total: 4.8
Free T4 (T7): 1.3 - Low
T3 Uptake: 28

Not sure exactly how read these, so if you do, please help explain...?

My Dr. said that since I'm "obviously Not going into remission", that I should "seriously consider RAI unless I want to have kids right away"... (Does this seem normal?)
She also said "I want to see what reducing your dose to 7.5mg/2x day of methimezole will do for you". 
So, here we visit is in January, hope I don't become too crazy before then.

I was seriously considering finding a new Dr. and actually called to make an appointment, but since I wasn't able to get one right away, I decided that I should hear my current Dr. out and compile all my notes and research together and make sure that it's not just Me being paranoid about my care. I've realized that what my current Endo is saying and doing seems to be quite normal in my situation. If I am wrong, I hope that I will find out sooner rather than later... I do find it odd though that she has Never once mentioned surgery as a possible option...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Food and GD

So I've been trying to find lists of foods that are OK to eat with GD and lists of foods to avoid. But I can't seem to find either. Just lots of websites telling me to avoid foods rich in this or lacking in that. I don't know which are or aren't. Why can't there just be a simple list to follow. I did post a link in my last post that had a small list, but not sufficient enough for me.

Does anyone know of one, or have any personal experience with certain types of foods?
Right now I pretty much just avoid:
  • anything with artificial sweeteners
  • anything that I Know is really rich in iodine such as seafood, (which is not difficult as I don't really like seafood too much to begin with)
  • I've tried cutting back my sugar intake (which is really really hard because I have a Huge sweet tooth!)

My coffee addiction I'm sure is not helping, but I personally do not feel any negative results. My heart rate is always normal according to my Dr. but I have cut back, only because I haven't felt the need to drink as much anymore. I'm pretty much wide awake all the time even though I'm exhausted.

In the past I've tried to pay attention to what I eat and how I feel afterward, but that's so difficult to do all the time or I'll just forget to...

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Found this article today in search of diet restrictions for Hyperthyroidism.

I did not know that we are encouraged to eat Kale. I was under the impression that kale is full of iodine... Any thoughts?

Anyone have a successful dietary changes?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Info and Inspiration

I found a few more links to check out. See below:

Informational Article

Alphabetical List of Symptoms associated with Graves'

Interesting Dr.'s views and info...

I also found some encouraging and enlightening quotes I thought I'd share.

  • Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional.  ~M. Kathleen Casey
  • Putting emotion into words gives it a life and a reality that otherwise it doesn't have... Similarly, expressing confidence in a person's ability to accomplish something actually strengthens that ability ~ Arthur Gordon
  • Today, see if you can stretch your heart and expand your love so that it touches not only those to whom you can give it easily, but also those who need it so much. ~Daphne Rose Kingma
  • Encourage each other to build each other up, just as you are already doing. ~1 Thessalonians 5:11 TLB
  • Although we cannot change the direction of the wind, we can adjust the sails. ~Unknown
  • When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.  ~Mother Teresa
  •  We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa
  •  God uses suffering as a whetstone, to make men sharp with.  ~Henry Ward Beecher
  •  Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.  ~World Health Organization, 1948
Great Quotes

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Venting...? Not so much anymore...I hope

It's been a year now, almost to the day that I was diagnosed with this awful disease... 
I've used this blog more for venting then anything else, but I want to change that going forward. I want this blog to become a reference point for others who are suffering.
I've researched and researched throughout this past year, and even though I don't feel as educated as I had hoped, I at least know enough to answer the general questions asked by family and friends.

I wanted to list a few sites that I've found useful and encouraging in my search for understanding. I will post more when I get permission from the bloggers I've been following,  I've started making a list to the left under my profile at the suggestion of the first blog's writer. =] (Thanks Christy).
Facebook Group

Having encouraging people  who are dealing with this disease in my life, although I haven't met any of them, has been the best thing for me. I am so very grateful to them all.
I will continue to research and share what I find, whether it be fact or just someone's opinion.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

I'm feeling motivated... not let this disease take me down.
I had a great night last night doing an aerial acrobatics class that really pushed my limits and yet I succeeded. It's a great feeling to know I can do that. I'm planning on starting a new exercise routine. Using muscles I forgot I had hurts, but I know the end result will be amazing, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. I feel as though I am coming out of my latest "funk".
I've also been reading some blogs by other GD fighters and they reminded me that I really am Not alone in the battle. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and to help encourage others. That in and of itself can be healing. I used to be such a positive person, always looking at the bright side of things, telling people it could be worse. Then, I was diagnosed and fell into a rut of self loathing and pity. Not anymore! I refuse to let it get to me as much as it did. I want to live life to the fullest and not let anything keep me from doing so!

Friday, October 1, 2010

My lab numbers did go up...

So I finally compared my labs last week from the past two times, and the numbers have gone up. I continue to feel hyper, so I believe they are still going up. My next appointment isn't until 11/1/10, a whole other month of dealing with feeling this crappy.
I am looking into new Doctors in the area, and hope to get a second opinion. Hope I can find one that my insurance will cover...

Monday, September 20, 2010

Trying to be Positive today...

Well, I am more and more convinced that I am going back to HypER. 
The symptoms keep mounting. I posted earlier, my list of symptoms from when this all started and I have the majority of them again now. Not still, again. 
The Vitamin D helping my mood has been the biggest improvement since all of this started and I can't say how happy (truly happy) I am that I've seen at least that change.

Ok, so I told myself I won't complain today. I'll look at things in a positive light, well maybe just make up excuses... ;)
  • The weight loss, it's gotten me back to where I was when I was diagnosed. I look pretty good!
  • I don't have to drink as much coffee in the morning as I was.  Save time.
  • I'm making myself think of the pains I get, are aches from walking so much.
  • My lonely feelings, they are for my bed, to just have a lazy time during a gloomy weather day.
  • The shortness of breath, that's just cause I have on a tight shirt and I slouch... My own doing...

Is it wrong that I want to look at things this way?

List of symptoms...

I was diagnosed in Oct. 2009.  Here's my list of symptoms with an asterisk by each I still have:
*Shortness of breath
*Extreme hot flashes
Shortened periods/*Extreme cramps
*Joint pain/Muscle pain/Jaw Pain
*Lack of concentration!!!
*Short Term Memory Loss
Shaky hands/mind
*Insatiable appetite
*Weight Fluctuation
*Dry/Heavy eyes
*Swollen Throat/difficulty swallowing
*Digestive inconsistencies
*Hair Changes - texture, loss, curl
Nails even more brittle than ever before
*Increased Allergy Symptoms

Saturday, September 18, 2010

This is my life...

My head has been pounding for two weeks or so now, it'll wear off later in the day, it's joined then replaced by congestion. But, I can't tell where the congestion is in my head. I just feel it everywhere. These are the same symptoms of people around me, yet they have had the worst of it in a few days and done with it all within a week or so. This just doesn't seem to want to actually take me down, just haunt me that I could feel worse at any point.

I yet again, have no motivation to get things done, even though I feel pretty "good" today. I have some energy, but can't concentrate on anything for more than a few min. at a time. I have so much cleaning to do and errands to run. I just want to sit and do nothing. I hate feeling so blah.

My symptoms seems to continue and get worse everyday. This past Thursday was the moodiest I have been in quite a while. I felt on edge the whole day, ready to cry at any second, or snap for that matter.The pains running through my arms, hands and legs are getting more often and intense. I hope that my body "readjusts" to less medication soon...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The need for change

Since starting this blog, I believe this is the third template I've used. I think this is the one that will remain the longest. It suits me I believe, I've customized it to my liking, but as anyone, I do get bored. Who knows, maybe in a few more months it will change again.I like change, but mostly only if I initiate it. Change that I cannot control makes me irritable. Watch out world!

The weather lately here in SoCal has suited my moods quite wonderfully. Ever changing!
It's cold, that's how I feel toward my Dr. (even though I know she has my best interest in mind). 
It's overcast with a chance of sun, this is how my days progress, gloomy with a chance to see my best shine through.
It's Sunny and bright, this is how I feel when left to my own devices. When I can sink into my own little comfort zone of JulieWorld.
It's warm, this is how feel toward the people I care about, they have seen me go through so much and are still by my side, even if only in spirit and phone calls/texts.

Speaking of weather, this brings to mind what my Dr. said about Vitamin D (The Sun Vitamin).
I will be tested next round of bloodwork, to see if I really need to continue taking a supplement. I am nervous about this, what will I be like if I'm not taking it? Will my good moods be suppressed again? Will I become depressed again? I think I'll do some research. If anyone has experience with this, please let me know. =)

Eye Dr. said

I'm all good. =) Yay for some good news! Vision is 20/20. I do seem to have an issue of my eyelids staying slightly open while I sleep causing dry patches. This could be caused by Graves', but not necessarily so I'm hoping it's not. ;) He gave me some gel drops and they seemed to help last night. =)

Monday, September 13, 2010


Went to the Dr. this morning, she said my levels are on the low end of "normal" and even though I feel like I've been really hyper compared to how I felt with more meds, she is convinced I'm fine. Is it normal for Endocrinologists to be so hard headed? 
I don't feel as good as I KNOW I could...Don't I have a say in how I should be treated? 
I've lost 5lbs. since my last visit 4 weeks ago. I know this doesn't sound like much, but it is to me. I have been tracking how I feel on each dosage of meds. I have to live with this everyday! I know what's not right, and I feel like my dr. doesn't care because a piece of paper says my levels are "Within the Normal range"! 
So now, I have to stay on the current dosage for six more weeks. =[ I really really hope things start looking up.

Beyond my aggravation of the above, I now feel as though I want to curl up into a ball and just disappear.  Paranoia has reared it's ugly head, making me feel as though everyone is out to make my life a living hell. I know this is not logical, but it is what's going on in my head. I can't relax, I can't let my shoulders fall to their natural position. Nope, they are up close to my ears every min. of every day. 

I go to the eye Dr. tomorrow for the first time since being diagnosed. I'm nervous, but excited that I will have a better grasp on why my eyes ache and other symptoms that have annoyed me over the past few months. Hopefully the redness on the outsides of my iris will be explained.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Why do I feel like this? Why can't this all just go away...? I am so tired of not feeling like me. It's like there is another person living in my head and the me I knew just disappeared... 
I can't do anything without stressing myself out, my head is spinning in all different directions and I can't figure out how to stop it.
Being on the Vitamin D supplement has helped my mood, but everything else seems to have gotten worse again. 
Got blood drawn yesterday, appointment is next Monday. 
I have a feeling my levels have gone up, instead of leveling out. I think the drop in my dosage might have been too drastic. I've started loosing weight again, not a lot, but I'm not gaining or just being level like I was. The pains in my arms and legs have increased quite a bit. In fact, I'm not sleeping well and when I do actually sleep, I'm awoken by "charlie horses" in my legs and Feet. =[
The more research I do on this disease and the treatments, the more stressed I feel and more confused I become. I don't want to become any more obsessed, I feel I have nowhere to turn for clear cut answers.
I know that every person is different and this disease affects everyone at a different degree, but I am so frustrated that I can't seem to find the answers I'm looking for. What is right for Me? I'm so tired of going in circles with myself and others around me about what to do... It's been just under a year since being diagnosed and even though I am thrilled with the results I've gotten so far and that I know what I have to deal with, I still feel as confused and "in shock" that I have to deal with this as when I was first told. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010


I feel so out of wack today! I woke up feeling confused and disoriented which, upon getting not so good news, turned into aggravation and dismay. As the day progressed, I have become quite aggressive in my thoughts. If someone says the wrong thing to me, I think I might actually snap back at them. My feelings are not toward anyone or anything specifically, just a general dislike for everything. But as usual, these feelings are coming in waves. One minute I'll be fine, the next, ready to break something.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Phew! =] =[

My Dr. said that my levels looked good at my visit last week. =] So she decreased my dose of Methimezole to 20mg/day. Since then, I've been all out of whack!! Not sure where to start...

Ok, Hmmm.  I'm not sleeping well again. Pains in my arms are just getting worse.  Feeling fidgety all the time again, acne is getting bad and my sense of smell is stronger than Ever!!! I also feel my throat is swollen a bit, not bad, just annoying. My body temp. changes are drastic and unpredictable. Ugh! I'm not sure about my moods, I'll have to ask my husband...

I will now be going back to my Dr. more frequently again. =( I hope that we can get this figured out soon because I do Not like feeling like this.

I'm almost out of my prescription of Vitamin D, Dr. said that my deficiency is all cleared up...
Although I will still have take otc 1,000 units/day once I am out of the script...

We shall see how things go from here on out...

I forgot to ask my Dr. about my eyes, but plan on getting an eye appt. soon anyway...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Ugh! What a month.

Two weeks ago, I went to the ER for an urinary tract infection, got the meds but felt awful for over a week and a half. =( Then this weekend was the start of "hell". On top of the end of the UTI and Cramps from my worse than ever period, my husband and I both got food poisoning. Yuck! My body feels like giving up. I'm still exhausted and my stomach is still churning a bit.

The last few days I've noticed that I have what my first thought was pink-eye, but just glazed over red blotches, especially along the bottom "outside"  of my iris. My eyes constantly feel dry and it's been increasingly difficult to focus on the computer or TV.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting the beginning of TED. Glad I'm going to my Endo next week. Maybe she'll have some insight, then I will make an eye doctor appointment, if I can find one. 
I've been feeling emotionally better, other than PMS. So I am curious if my levels have come down some more. Got blood drawn this morning...fingers are crossed and knees are on the floor.
I'll update what I find out next week.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I believe it's working...

As I've recently written, the weather here is SoCal has been overcast and dreary. But, yesterday and today have been Glorious! =) The Vitamin D does seem to help my mood, although I am still having the shooting pains. Oh well. I'll get through it...I hope the warmer sunny weather will help. Waking up to blue skies has definitely helped my mentality. To me, that's a huge step! =)

In conversation today with some friends, the topic of Blood Type came up. We read some very interesting articles. I'll posted the links below. I am O+ and strangely enough, the diet recommended for me includes a variable diet of foods rich in iodine! (Not too good for hypER people). One article states that O+ people are prone to hypOthyroid symptoms, guess I missed that part of the blood cell. ;)~ But there are a bunch of things listed that make sense to how I am as a person and how my body reacts to things. So very cool! =) Who knows what else I'll learn from these sites, I look forward to reading more.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Yay for the day!

I actually feel pretty good today, other than still being matter how much coffee I've had this morning. Mentally though, I feel very energetic and social. Big improvement from the past few days, that's for sure. I guess the Vitamin D Is working! =) YAY! I hope this continues!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


The company I work for has blood drives every few months which I think is absolutely great. It just sucks for me because I can't donate. I used to as often as I could (when I wasn't getting something pierced, have to wait 6months after that). 
Now every time I see a flier, a poster, or an e-mail relating to the blood drive I am reminded yet again, that I am sick. 
I've been feeling mentally better in the past month or so, but the last few weeks have had me all jumbled up emotionally. When it comes to "that time of the month" I've noticed a huge change in the way I feel and think. I dislike it all to the max!!! Feeling completely alone, slipping into a depression - knowing, but not being able to stop myself. 

Since knowing that I have a Vitamin D deficiency I've looked back and I've realized how much the weather has affected me. I've said, for as long as I can remember that, I need the sun, overcast weather makes me gloomy. Well, apparently I'm right, in more ways than I realized. Go figure, I move out to "Sunny Southern California" with my husband and it's been overcast now for almost two months. The afternoons the sun will break through for a little while, but of course, I am inside and unable to enjoy it. When my husband and I were in St. Lucia for our honeymoon, I felt great! Now I know, it's because I was in the strong hot sun almost all day, everyday (that, and being on my honeymoon ;] ). I hope that the supplement of Vitamin D will help, it's been two weeks now, should be seeing some improvement soon.

I've been seeing a lot people around my neighborhood with babies. I hear them at night in our complex... People I know are getting pregnant all the time, (it seems). The comments from friends "now that you're married..", etc... is making me remember every minute of every day that I can't have my dream come true...yet. At least I am hoping it's only Yet. At my last visit to my Endo, she made a comment that if I want to start trying for a baby, we'd hold off on the RAI. So different from what she's said in the past. I believe it's because my husband was with me. But that made me think. Do I really want to try, now. As much as I truly do, I know I would not be able to handle having a child. Hearing the babies in my complex cry at night not only makes me want one, but it also makes me really annoyed. I don't want to deal with a crying kid. To not be able to sleep a full night, I'm a huge Crank if I don't get my sleep. If I loose any, I'll be unbearable, to myself and to my poor husband who has to deal with me enough.

I know I've written that I'm unsure if I should get a second opinion for my GD, but as my husband pointed out, this Endo has helped, and we are continually seeing results. I guess I'm just impatient. I wanted the results I have now, the day after I first went to her. My levels are coming down, the "plan" is to level out then reduce my medication until I no longer need it or I need RAI. At least this is the impression I got from her. Either way, I am a few steps closer to "Well" than I was six months ago.
That is something I need to Remember everyday!

6/30/10 - forgot to post this

Well, the first couple days of Vit. D didn't seem to be much different. Not that I expected them to be... 

I have not been sleeping well lately. Not sure if it's my bed or what, but I have been waking up so sore and achy. The shooting pains have been coming back as well. Shooting through my arms mostly, but also my knees feel like someone is trying to dig something out of them.

The worst thing this past week is how emotional I've become. I've been crying at the drop of a hat. I just want to curl up in a ball by myself. I feel like being alone, want to wrap myself in a ball on the couch and do nothing. But at the same time, all I want is for someone to be with me so I'm not alone. I'm quite the mixed up you can tell. 

Monday, June 28, 2010

Let's see...

...what Vitamin D will do for me. 

My Endo increased my dose of Methimezole to 30mg./day - 15mg in the morning, 15mg. at night and she also gave me 50,000 iu of Vitamin D twice a week for 8 weeks. I need to be 1,000 iu from then on. I really hope that I start to feel better. Today is the first dose of Vit. D...fingers are crossed.

I've been researching  and reading articles about iodine in the diet and what foods are high in iodine. It's amazing, I'm surprised I can eat anything. I have noticed in my own daily life how I feel much "crazier" on days where I realize I've had more iodine rich foods. I plan to be much more conscience of what I eat... This is gonna suck, but I know in the long run it'll be better for me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Blood is so cool

Got my blood drawn this morning, worst part, I had to fast! (I'm not a happy person if I'm hungry!) 
I know it sounds horrible, but I like watching the viles fill with my blood. But I don't like the feeling of lightheaded-ness afterward... 

Blood amazes me, how can something so "simple" be so intricate and amazing? How can they know so much from such a small amount? I am so very thankful that it is possible. I can't wait to get my results, is the dosage I'm on doing the job well enough? Do I have to have it increased? Will this be the sample that causes my Dr. to say, "We need a new plan."? I think I'm ready to push forward, not let this disease get to me anymore. I want to be done with it, I need to know what's next!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I woke up this morning not feeling very "with it", but as the day goes on, I feel much more mentally clear. Although, the pain running through my arms is almost unbearable. I'm at work, so it's difficult to keep myself in check. I want to scream every time I feel the pain, but all I do is squeeze and pray. I might end up with bruises this week if I can't find another way to help it subside. 

Monday, June 14, 2010

Two days in...

I haven't noticed many positive changes since changing my dosage.  Instead, I have been feeling even more tired than before, although I have been sleeping for longer intervals during the night... My body feels so weak and useless. It hurts to carry my purse for more than two minuets. I feel so mentally worn out, emotionally "stuck", I really have no other way to describe how I feel. My throat has been feeling swollen, but not to the point of pain, just annoyance. I've also noted that my energy levels have been fluctuating quite drastically. Right now, I've had one large cup of coffee and I feel ready to run a marathon, but when I stand up, I feel so tired and lightheaded.
My heart feels like it's pounding out of my chest just by walking up a couple flights of stairs... ={
I hope beyond all hopes, that this Will get better and that my life Will return to "normal".
A week and a half and I see my Endo., I hope that she will have some better news for me.

Another thing that has me all mixed up, I feel that even though my symptoms are not as bad as others, I can't help but complain and wish it wasn't me. I know every person is different and everyone's body is different, I just feel so guilty for complaining and trying to find a solution to fix My "problems". Things Could be worse, and I am thankful they are not. I hope that I am not making others think I'm a jerk for complaining while they are dealing with worse symptoms than me.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Trying something different

I've decided to start splitting my dosage, I'll be taking it twice a day instead of taking it all at once. I am hoping that it will help with how I feel. 10 mg in the morning and 15 mg before bed. 
We'll see how it goes, but if I don't see any improvement in 10 days, I'm going back to taking it all at once. The less I have have to remember, the better!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Where do I go from here?

I am going to my Endo in two weeks. I've been on 25mg. of Methimezole. I don't feel like I'm getting much better.

What to do?

Last time I saw my Dr., she said that if I am even considering having kids, I should do RAI and then wait 6 months to a year before even trying, in order for my body to adjust.
She has not even mentioned surgery or long term medication options.
Should I find a new Endo and or at least get a second opinion?
Should I go forward with the RAI?
What is the best thing for Me to do?

I can't stand the emotional imbalance anymore. 
I don't like who I've become, or the feelings rushing through me at "warp speed" at any moment of the day. I guess I'm just making myself a little nuts because I've been feeling that want kids...Now. Or maybe I'm not sure I want kids but want some sort of direction as to what I am really truly feeling and not just 'feeling' because I'm imbalanced. 
I know that nobody can tell me what I am feeling. Nobody can tell me which direction to go. Will I ever get back to "normal"?  Or at least "normal enough" to be able to have kids, or have a life that's fulfilling to me? My feelings today have me questioning the direction of my life. 

No matter how much research I do on RAI, surgery, or long term medicating, I am more confused and scared than ever. Why can't there be a solution to this disease that doesn't make things worse! I've been reading that even if the Thyroid can get put under control, the actual disease (Graves') will continue to screw the body up.
There are risks with doing nothing, there are risks in taking medication, there are risks for taking RAI and risks in having surgery... Where can I find the solution with the least amount of risk for me?

Monday, June 7, 2010

I don't understand

So I've been back from my Wedding and Honeymoon trip for about two weeks. I want to go back...kind of. While I was on the island of St. Lucia, my stomach was upset everyday. But I felt absolutely great otherwise. 
Since being home, my eyes have been twitching again, been getting the shooting pains through my arms. Headaches have also ensued upon my life, and most annoying above all, my mood is another thing I have been trying to deal with. 
What is a person supposed to do when they can't stand anything, including themselves?

Friday, May 7, 2010


I went to my Endocrinologist on Monday, she increased my dose from 20 mg of Methimazole to 25 mg. I thought things would be getting better. But starting Tuesday, my right eye has been twitching almost nonstop, the shooting pains are back and I am very cranky!

I want this all to stop! The thought of RAI still scares me, even though friends who have had it,  have said they wished they'd done it sooner instead of going through what I am. On the other hand, this could all go into remission...for a while. Apparently it's destined to come back.  The other option (which my Dr. has Not mentioned) is surgery to remove my thyroid. To me, none of these options seem right. 

I think we as a society need to find ways to prevent thyroid disease as well as treatment options. Future generations shouldn't have to go through this.
But how does one go about finding ways or researching something so complex?
My plan for the year is to hunt on the internet and find out as much as I can about the thyroid, iodine, how they interact, and what can be done to prevent the thyroid from becoming an interuption to life as we know it.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Ok Dr.!

Went to my Endo this morning... Bloodwork says I'm getting better. =) Still a little HypER, but better than I was. I'm now taking 25mg/day of Methimezole. We'll see what 6 more weeks does for me. =)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The things I hate most

The things I hate most about this disease in random order:

  • I can't sleep well
  • I never know what I want to eat, yet am always starving
  • The unmentionables - if you have Graves', you know what I mean...
  • Being over-emotional for No reason
  • Not feeling much excitement, although I KNOW I am excited, or at least Should be
  • The Depression
  • The feeling of being a ticking time bomb
  • Being completely oblivious to life as it passes me by
  • Paranoia, (everyone is out to make me miserable!!!!!)
  • Knowing and Feeling COMPLETELY different things
  • Drastic temperature changes
  • Physical aches and pains
  • Lack of patience
  • Getting Blood-work done every three to four weeks
  • The Doctor visits
  • Not seeing improvement...
If half of this list would turn around, it would be easier for me to deal with myself...

agh, here we go again

I was feeling pretty good for the last week or so, not perfect but I was getting through the days without too many complaints. Yesterday and Today, feels like things are getting back to the way they were. The pains are starting to come back with a vengeance.   My head is everywhere, nothing seems to click in my mind. I feel soo completely exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get, it's not enough. I just want to feel like myself, is that too much to ask?

I've been trying to Not freak out or get too stressed, but my wedding is in three and half weeks and my acne has not gotten any better. I can't even look at myself in the mirror with out having or putting on make-up.  I cannot wait to get away and sit on the white beaches in the warm sunshine and warm water...

Saturday, April 10, 2010

It's all okay, I think

So the meds seem to be having a positive effect on me, thank goodness!!!  I still need tons of coffee to feel like myself, but at least that's better than being in my own world all the time and not being able to deal with life. I am still getting the pains through my arms and legs, but they don't seem to be as bad. Although they are happening more often... 
I am soo tired all the time, and I'm tired of being tired... 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Okay, I guess the meds are working! =)

Today, feel pretty good. I slept fairly well last night and my head feels clearer. I am hoping beyond all hopes that the pains I was feeling yesterday won't return. 
Checked with my Dr. and she said it's Okay to use allergy medication, I am so glad!

I'm not sure others are taking the Methimezole the same as I. I take two 10 mg a day, both at once. My dr. said some people take them once in the morning and once again at night, but I can do both at once to keep it simple and easy for me to remember. It does make it easier, the way it is already, my alarm on my phone goes off at the same time everyday and I sometimes still have to think what it's

Only 41 days until my wedding, I hope my acne get better by then. If I don't see improvement by my next follow-up (May 3rd), I will request to see a Dermatologist!!!

I will stay positive, this feeling will not go away! (I hope ;) )

Monday, April 5, 2010

The Dr. says...

My Endocrinologist doubled my dose of medication and said to wait another month to see how I am doing...
I'm still HypER...but my levels have come down at least a tiny bit...
So, another month of pain and aggravation, headaches and lost sleep. Oh yay for me!!! And oh my poor fiance! I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes.

Weight is level, blood pressure is down so we will see how things go from here on out.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


I am mentally trying to stay positive, but my body is screaming at me! I have had shooting and aching pains in my arms and hands and especially my left wrist, my legs have been hurting too. I hope with all I am that tomorrow will be a successful visit to the Dr.

No matter how much Aleve I take, the pain is still there...It makes me remember at all times that I have to deal with this. What scares me the most is that even if my thyroid get leveled, the damage has been done and I might have to be this way forever. I pray that I won't, that's all I can do.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Staying Positive

A friend from work, whom I've only known for a few months said to me today that he sees a lot of positive energy in me. I take pride in this, although I know I have not been feeling so positive lately. Life seems to have gotten out of my control and I don't know how to cope. Today is a much better day than yesterday, but I am hoping it will get better. 

I had blood drawn this morning for my follow up on Monday morning. I am anxious to know if my levels have come down.  If they have not, I am hoping that I can be put on a different medication. the one I am on now is making me go crazy. :{

Other than this freakin disease, my life is good, no, Great! =) I have  an awesome guy that get to marry in just over a month! Not to mention an awesome job. I live in southern California! I get to see the ocean on my drive to and from work and by just walking out of my office door. With so many awesome things in my life, I still get depressed and negative. I am grateful to know that it is because I have this disease and not that I am a pathetic person! =)

Graves' is my cross to bear, I will carry it with strength and honor. God may give us more that we can handle alone, but He doesn't give us more than we can handle without him!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

='( ={ :/ =] =} ={ ='(

I had a Very emotional day today. Maybe it's because I didn't have much to do at work, but I sat there thinking about my life and questioned every aspect of it. I know I'm not rational these days and it's getting to me...
I started wondering if I should really get married. (I should) Should I get a new job? (No) Should I wait to go back to school? (I shouldn't but I will because my health is more important right now) Oh, and then the question is "what do I go to school for?"
Of course each question was pondered in great length and detail...just way too much to write, I don't have the patience to type it all out.

I feel like everyone is out to get me, in some way shape or form, my life is just here for people to stomp on me, to get what they want and need and then move me aside. Consciously, I know this is not true, but emotionally, I feel this way today.

I really wish it wasn't frowned upon to bang my head against the wall or to cry at work. ={

So tired of being tired...

The past two weeks or so, I have been experimenting on ways to get a better nights' sleep.

    I've tried:
  • Having a drink close to bed time to get me drowsy - 
    • that just made me wake up in the night to get a drink of water, that in turn made me wake up to use the restroom.
  • Staying up later than usual to make me more tired - 
    • just makes me want to sleep in in the morning.
  • Going to bed early so I won't sleep in - 
    • made me wake wide awake around 3am and just stare at the ceiling for what seems like hours then if I get up then to start my day, I'm exhausted by 10am.
  • Don't drink coffee more than one 8oz. cup in the morning
    • dead tired by 2pm, have to have another cup
  • Big cup of coffee in the morning to keep myself going longer
    • can't fall asleep cause my mind is still going full speed
What else can I do...? 
I go for my follow up next Monday...fingers crossed something will get better afterwards.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Ouch Again...actually Still.

My left arm has been hurting more than usual lately but more of a sprained feel, not shooting pain as much, and my right eye is twitching almost non stop. Not to mention my throat has been feeling Really swollen. I know the pollen count around LA has been high and seems to keep climbing. Thanks wind!
I've been better emotionally, but still think I'm having anxiety attacks. Fun Fun! (At least I haven't lost my sarcasm. lol!)
Only another week until I get blood drawn for my follow up. I am excited at the thought of my levels being lower. Not expecting anything miraculous though. Better to expect the worst and hope for the best than the other way around I think.

Friday, March 19, 2010


So last night after I posted, I just stared into space for a while, then emotions came over me and I started crying.  Not sure if it was from feeling bad about how aggravated I get, or because I miss my sister, or something completely irrelevant. 

I haven't been sleeping much, and when i do, it's not very restful. I thought that it was supposed to get better once I'm on meds.? 

I've thinking a lot about how I've acted over the past year since I was aware something was not right with me. I've read over and over again how people have the "Graves' Rage" and Explode. I don't think I've had that severe of a case of that, I just tend to be more "snippy" and sarcastic. If I did explode, I usually had a good reason behind it. Truly. I've always been one to hold in my anger and frustration, but now I realize that it just makes me depressed. I hope to find a way to release my anger and frustration in a way that is harmless to me and others. Writing this blog has been a great step in the right direction, I think. Another thing I believe I've realized and am acting positively on, I've Always been a People Pleaser. Now, I make sure to either say no, or to at least tell whomever is asking of me that I will try, but cannot promise to get the results they want. I know now how important is Really is to take care of myself first. It's lesson Learning, not fully learned, so anyone reading this, have patience with me please! =)

I try to stay positive in all aspects of life and I know that lately I've been complaining a lot. For this I apologize. Sometimes the negativity of things become to strong for my will to handle. Today is a good day as you might have guessed, I am hoping it continues to be. The weather warming up has most definitely helped. =) Sunshine really does make me happy! 

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I still get aggravated...

Let me start off saying: I love my sister, very much, and my day was pretty good considering life in general these days. 
My sister is has Down Syndrome, she's 21, funny, adorable, loving, and of course, aggravating... She does not speak very well, sitting in front of her I have a difficult time understanding her but when she calls me (EVERYDAY) I have No idea what she talks about half the time. I try so hard to listen intently, I ask her to repeat herself more clearly, I repeat what I believe she is saying, but with not avail. I want so badly to be able to carry a full conversation with her without getting worked up so much that I abruptly end our calls. I have explained to her that I am not well, that being sick makes me seem mean sometimes, but I'm not sure she understands or at least remembers. Sheesh, I forget sometimes too, so I can't get too upset about it all.

If I am not in physical pain, it's emotional or mental. Not one minute of being just Okay. When will it end?  What options will work for me? Every day I ask myself this, yet no answer has been revealed. 

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


My ams are killing me. It's the same shooting pains that I had when I came off the methimezole a few months ago. I don't know what to do to make it stop, or at least not hurt so much. 
I've been back on the methimezole, same dose too for a whole week now. I am wondering if it has something to do with the fact I am due for that time of the month, like a rush of hormones screwing me up even more. Taking Aleve doesn't help much if at all. 
I feel like such a baby, no worse than. Babies are resilient, I don't think I am anymore. 

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Sleep does wonders

I went to bed last night at 9:30, and slept in until 7:08 this morning. Although, sleeping was not the only thing that went on last night. I was woken up multiple time with dreams. Some Horrible, some just plain weird. I only really remember one and it was a weird one. 
My mind feels a little clearer than it has the past few days...

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It's only been a few days

I know it's only been a few days since starting my meds., but I'm about ready to quit. I feel more tired than if I'd spent the night snow plowing. My eyes are so dry and crusty. =( I even feel moodier than without meds. The poor people around me! Ha.

I have a vivid memory from a month or two before I was Diagnosed of thinking that maybe I was BiPolar... The way that I felt then, is how I've been feeling lately. I still wonder a little if maybe there is a chance I could be. Then I remind myself that it is all caused by GD. It is still amazing to me how one little organ can screw up your whole body And your way of thinking. 

I am hoping that today will be a little better.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


I feel So off. I'm exhausted!!! Didn't sleep much last night, between sweating and freezing, I couldn't get comfortable. Today went better than I expected, but I felt really snippy, like I was just waiting to go over the edge... I probably still could if I don't take a quick nap... My head has been pounding all day, but I hate having to keep taking Aleve. 
Taking Methimezole seems to be throwing me for a loop...I'm hoping it's a sign that things will be getting better.

Oh, I've been craving Sweet stuff even more today than ever. I hope I don't put on the 13lbs. I just lost...

and the Dr. said...

She suggests that I take the RAI...not such a fan of that idea. I've read through a page on facebook that it could sometimes take two times for the RAI to work, and then I could go HypO.  Or she said I could just keep going with medications and see if I can possibly level out, eventually. 

I'm nervous to make such a life changing decision... it seemed ok to me to just see what happens, but now the thought that something should be done, make things seem so much more frightening. Mostly because my fiance and I want to start a family in the next year or so.

I guess I'll just keep doing research and see what feels like the best choice.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Weight Loss and such...

13lbs. and counting in the last month since being off Methimezole. I am going to my new Endocrinologist tomorrow morning. Hoping that whatever medication she puts me on does not make me gain weight. I love the weight I am at right now. I would prefer to stay at it until at least after my wedding. I do hope though, that my acne will get better, nothing like red splotchy bumpy skin for wedding pictures... :(

Things could be worse, so I am very grateful they aren't.

There is one aspect of this disease that I cannot understand; I am always cold, unless I am putting a lot of effort into something. Then, I am sweating profusely. All I read and hear is that I should be sweating or at least very warm at all times... I plan on asking my Dr. about it tomorrow, I'll let you know what she says.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Cleaning is so rewarding

It sounds so lame when I write it out, but it really is so rewarding. You see the results. I vacuumed and steam cleaned my carpets today. Not every room, but the high traffic areas. It was amazing how dirty they really were. I am home alone this morning due to my fiancé's work schedule. I thought I would be really lonely, but I'm not. At least not today. It's actually pretty nice to blast My music and do my own thing in my own time. Honey, don't get the wrong idea, I don't mind your music, but sometimes it just doesn't cut it... ;) I need music that speaks to Me, songs that I can relate to or can make me feel peaceful...or angrier, depending on my mood... lol. Today, it's been a mix of country, Enya, and Contemporary Christian - Upbeat and some more solemn. oooh, and there's Rage Against the Machine while I'm tackling stains in the carpet... Hahaha...

I've been working on the bathroom all morning, but I just can't seem to focus on it...I guess I better go finish up. I'll write more later, if I remember to.

Friday, March 5, 2010


Ok, so I started the last post a few days ago, but ran out of thoughts.

Today's real post:
I am so glad to just be home from work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job!!! I just prefer to stay home and do "nothing", who doesn't. When I am done here, I PLAN to start my cleaning so tomorrow I can relax all alone, maybe finish the new book I am sucked into... Oh, just remembered I need to come up with something to make for dinner tonight. I am so out of ideas, nothing jumps out at me anymore. Always hungry but I don't crave anything and can't decide what to eat, especially if it means I have to put an effort in to have it. So, I am sitting here drinking a glass of wine pondering how I can make a Fat Free or Reduced Fat Chicken dinner... Trying to watch what I eat, not to have a gluten free diet as I've noticed other Graves' People are, (that's impossible for Me) but I do want to eat healthier and don't need to pack on the pounds before my wedding, especially since once I'm back on meds, I'll probably crave EVERYTHING, cake for one... Mmmm cake does sound good. How bad would it be if I made Cake for dinner...?  I have read that sweets are bad for me...why? I Love things like SUGAR and CHOCOLATE!! I NEED Chocolate! Can't live without it!!! Ok, so I have been craving certain foods,  besides cake. Chocolate Chip Cookies, Ice Cream (but I don't want to be cold) Twix Bars - recently addicted to them, sad that the vending machine at work replaced them with snickers, I'm tired of those, Sugary Cereals, yummm... I've also been wanting McDonald's French Fries, I had some the yesterday, now I can't stop thinking about getting more...and maybe some apple pies. Ok, well I better stop writing about food. I might as well start making something and see how it turns out. Chicken-Here we come.

having some good days...

The last few days have been mentally pretty good. Only a few times that I wanted to scream and beat the wall or my computer... I've been able to actually appreciate what I have. 

I get to finally go to a Dr., had my blood drawn this morning. Praying that things are getting better. My Primary Dr. assumes that I will be put back on the same meds., just on a larger dose.
I heard today that one of my favorite baseball players might be dealing with an over active thyroid...proof it can happen to anyone. Maybe now there will be light shined on diseases like this and maybe more research, hopefully better treatments than those out there now. What a dream...right?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


My eye is twitching today, it almost jaw is preventing me from eating much and and I have a pounding's only 9am.

Can the work day be over...? I'm ready to go back to bed.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


Apparently I have been quite snippy.... Been having an attitude problem. I don't feel I do. I finally feel clear headed...I think. 
Two more weeks until I get to see a Dr., yay!!! Maybe getting on the right dosage of meds. will help me feel more "normal", if that is even a reality. I hope that the physical ailments will subside... Another symptom, Jaw Pain. It feels like I've been clenching my teeth for 3 days straight, yet it's only on my right side.

My forgetfulness is really getting to me. I wish I could retain knowledge for more than an hour or two (that's on a good day). Oh, I also wish my hearing would be better, even when I try to listen, I hear mumbling... =(
I truly feel bad for the people that are around me, the ones that have to deal with me when I go blank. 
I swore to myself that I would write in a journal or this blog at least once a week, if not everyday. Ha! Not happening... I keep forgetting, or don't feel that I need to because I am having a "good day". As mentioned above, SNIPPY! Too bad my being able to communicate is  coming across that I have a chip on my shoulder... Oh well! I'm trying hard not to let it get to me... otherwise it will consume my every thought that I might be pissing someone off... 

I have noticed that even though I feel so energized, I don't have the drive to get anything done. I stand up to do something and my legs feel like they are going to collapse with my weight on them, (I just found out after my scale has been dead for a month, that I lost 10 lbs.).
So much for getting toned and not loosing any more weight this year. I can't breathe well enough to get a good cardio work-out, then on op of that, I read that I need to be careful 'cause my heart is in danger with Graves'. Oh yay for me!
I know that I am not alone dealing with the auto-immune disease, but it sure feels like it everyday. People who don't know much about it are always asking me questions I don't know how to answer because I forgot what I read... Or there are people who don't think I am sick because of how well I try to handle myself, or brush it off... Or, there are those that are denying that there is truly something wrong with me.

My only hope in writing this blog, is that the people who mean the most to me and others who know someone with this disease will understand if only a little bit, that we (those with GD) are not just making things up. This disease is real. The symptoms are real. We have no control for our actions or emotions.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


I started making a list of my symptoms so I can show my Dr. (When I actually get one) and list keeps going and going...and to top it off, I left it at work today. I was hoping to type it out, but I don't think I can remember it all. I won't type it all here, only because it's embarrassing and most likely unimportant to anyone but me and my Dr., well and maybe my fiance.
Here are the most annoying symptoms:
  • Memory loss
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Shooting pains through arms and legs
  • Exhaustion
  • Insomnia
  • Headaches
  • Throat that feels three time the size
And trust me, it goes on!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

here we go...

So I know I just posted my very first but I feel the need to write some more. It helps me put mind into focus and ease. I may not be able to get my thoughts across in a way that everyone will understand, but I know I will. ;)  

It's Saturday morning, almost afternoon and yet I have no motivation to  get anything done. The phone keeps ringing, we have a new phone number and I haven't put us on the "Do Not Call" list yet. looking into it now. I am about to scream though if it rings again before I can get it done.  - ahhh, done. Thank goodness for the internet. 

We have a neighbor, ugh, a bunch, but the one directly across from us is the most annoying person I have ever met. She and her son act like they own the complex. They Stomp up the stairs, I mean Stomp, not just run or walk but Stomp EVERYtime they come or go. Slam doors, yell - yet they are only talking and bug us for everything imaginable. One of these time I am going to say something and not be nice about it. We've already had to yell at her kid  and his friends for making too much noise. Teach your kids consideration for others, Please!! I'm used to kids and noise, used to sharing space with others so don't think I'm just being snobby, these people are really annoying! Our neighbors below us can be just as bad, yet they choose to make noise at night when we're trying to sleep. They are a group of kids about my age who play music loud with bass pumping through the walls and floors, and the out their windows into the courtyard that echos into our closed windows. I can't tell you how happy I'll be to move into a better place. It's only temporary, it's only temporary...

Ok, I feel a little better having vented. 

For me to know, and to share with you...

I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease a few months ago, October 2009, and my life has been drastically changed. For anyone who is not familiar with this disease, it is an autoimmune disease  that is most times genetic. I have been blessed to have a mild "case", so much so that I never would have put things together to go to my Dr. with concerns. If my gyno did not notice my neck being swollen, I never would have known, all my symptoms seemed to me, to have other causes. Stress, allergies, aging, "that time of the month", these are the things I blamed my symptoms on. To this day I have to remind myself that I am sick, not blame them on "minor inconveniences". I wish I had the patience to write out everything that I feel and go through all at once, I hope that writing this blog I'll be able to, over time. I'm not looking for attention or for pity, I am hoping that people will be able to just understand and know that I am not faking a disease. 

Today, my legs and arms have shooting pain going through them and I am very very tired. My throat feels like it's almost swollen shut. But this has been happening everyday fort the past week. I am still looking for a Dr. out here in CA, not an easy task as I can only go off of what a few strangers say. My Endocrinologist from NJ had put me 10mg of Methimazole a day, for 90 days. I am sure that the medication was doiing it's job to calm my thyroid, it made me very, hmmm, what word or phrase should I use to describe how I felt and how others saw me...maybe "off my rocker". Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
My mind was everywhere, I couldn't concentrate, I still can't (it's taken me two days to write this much) and my mood swings are incredible to say the least. My normal bodily functions seem to be out of wack. I am eating or at least hungry all the time. If I'm not eating, it's because I don't have the energy that it takes to do it and still be functioning at work. Work, hmmm, I've only been at my new job for a little over a month, it's awesome. But I feel that I am not truly appreciating it, I can't get excited about it like I used to about things that I love. I don't think, notice think not feel, that they are getting my best there, nobody is. Although it is my temporary "best", one day I'll be "normal" again and things will go smoothly. Right now I am off any meds, I can fully see now what I couldn't see before the diagnosis and explanation, symptoms of something not quite right with me.

I apologize to anyone reading this, I think I might be jumping around without finishing thoughts. Welcome to my world!