Wednesday, July 7, 2010


The company I work for has blood drives every few months which I think is absolutely great. It just sucks for me because I can't donate. I used to as often as I could (when I wasn't getting something pierced, have to wait 6months after that). 
Now every time I see a flier, a poster, or an e-mail relating to the blood drive I am reminded yet again, that I am sick. 
I've been feeling mentally better in the past month or so, but the last few weeks have had me all jumbled up emotionally. When it comes to "that time of the month" I've noticed a huge change in the way I feel and think. I dislike it all to the max!!! Feeling completely alone, slipping into a depression - knowing, but not being able to stop myself. 

Since knowing that I have a Vitamin D deficiency I've looked back and I've realized how much the weather has affected me. I've said, for as long as I can remember that, I need the sun, overcast weather makes me gloomy. Well, apparently I'm right, in more ways than I realized. Go figure, I move out to "Sunny Southern California" with my husband and it's been overcast now for almost two months. The afternoons the sun will break through for a little while, but of course, I am inside and unable to enjoy it. When my husband and I were in St. Lucia for our honeymoon, I felt great! Now I know, it's because I was in the strong hot sun almost all day, everyday (that, and being on my honeymoon ;] ). I hope that the supplement of Vitamin D will help, it's been two weeks now, should be seeing some improvement soon.

I've been seeing a lot people around my neighborhood with babies. I hear them at night in our complex... People I know are getting pregnant all the time, (it seems). The comments from friends "now that you're married..", etc... is making me remember every minute of every day that I can't have my dream come true...yet. At least I am hoping it's only Yet. At my last visit to my Endo, she made a comment that if I want to start trying for a baby, we'd hold off on the RAI. So different from what she's said in the past. I believe it's because my husband was with me. But that made me think. Do I really want to try, now. As much as I truly do, I know I would not be able to handle having a child. Hearing the babies in my complex cry at night not only makes me want one, but it also makes me really annoyed. I don't want to deal with a crying kid. To not be able to sleep a full night, I'm a huge Crank if I don't get my sleep. If I loose any, I'll be unbearable, to myself and to my poor husband who has to deal with me enough.

I know I've written that I'm unsure if I should get a second opinion for my GD, but as my husband pointed out, this Endo has helped, and we are continually seeing results. I guess I'm just impatient. I wanted the results I have now, the day after I first went to her. My levels are coming down, the "plan" is to level out then reduce my medication until I no longer need it or I need RAI. At least this is the impression I got from her. Either way, I am a few steps closer to "Well" than I was six months ago.
That is something I need to Remember everyday!

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