Eye Dr. said

I'm all good. =) Yay for some good news! Vision is 20/20. I do seem to have an issue of my eyelids staying slightly open while I sleep causing dry patches. This could be caused by Graves', but not necessarily so I'm hoping it's not. ;) He gave me some gel drops and they seemed to help last night. =)

Grrrrrr!!!

Went to the Dr. this morning, she said my levels are on the low end of "normal" and even though I feel like I've been really hyper compared to how I felt with more meds, she is convinced I'm fine. Is it normal for Endocrinologists to be so hard headed? 
I don't feel as good as I KNOW I could...Don't I have a say in how I should be treated? 
I've lost 5lbs. since my last visit 4 weeks ago. I know this doesn't sound like much, but it is to me. I have been tracking how I feel on each dosage of meds. I have to live with this everyday! I know what's not right, and I feel like my dr. doesn't care because a piece of paper says my levels are "Within the Normal range"! 
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!
So now, I have to stay on the current dosage for six more weeks. =[ I really really hope things start looking up.

Beyond my aggravation of the above, I now feel as though I want to curl up into a ball and just disappear.  Paranoia has reared it's ugly head, making me feel as though everyone is out to make my life a living hell. I know this is not logical, but it is what's going on in my head. I can't relax, I can't let my shoulders fall to their natural position. Nope, they are up close to my ears every min. of every day. 


I go to the eye Dr. tomorrow for the first time since being diagnosed. I'm nervous, but excited that I will have a better grasp on why my eyes ache and other symptoms that have annoyed me over the past few months. Hopefully the redness on the outsides of my iris will be explained.

Frustration...Venting...Confusion...

Why do I feel like this? Why can't this all just go away...? I am so tired of not feeling like me. It's like there is another person living in my head and the me I knew just disappeared... 
I can't do anything without stressing myself out, my head is spinning in all different directions and I can't figure out how to stop it.
Being on the Vitamin D supplement has helped my mood, but everything else seems to have gotten worse again. 
Got blood drawn yesterday, appointment is next Monday. 
I have a feeling my levels have gone up, instead of leveling out. I think the drop in my dosage might have been too drastic. I've started loosing weight again, not a lot, but I'm not gaining or just being level like I was. The pains in my arms and legs have increased quite a bit. In fact, I'm not sleeping well and when I do actually sleep, I'm awoken by "charlie horses" in my legs and Feet. =[
The more research I do on this disease and the treatments, the more stressed I feel and more confused I become. I don't want to become any more obsessed, I feel I have nowhere to turn for clear cut answers.
I know that every person is different and this disease affects everyone at a different degree, but I am so frustrated that I can't seem to find the answers I'm looking for. What is right for Me? I'm so tired of going in circles with myself and others around me about what to do... It's been just under a year since being diagnosed and even though I am thrilled with the results I've gotten so far and that I know what I have to deal with, I still feel as confused and "in shock" that I have to deal with this as when I was first told. 

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhh

I feel so out of wack today! I woke up feeling confused and disoriented which, upon getting not so good news, turned into aggravation and dismay. As the day progressed, I have become quite aggressive in my thoughts. If someone says the wrong thing to me, I think I might actually snap back at them. My feelings are not toward anyone or anything specifically, just a general dislike for everything. But as usual, these feelings are coming in waves. One minute I'll be fine, the next, ready to break something.

Phew! =] =[

My Dr. said that my levels looked good at my visit last week. =] So she decreased my dose of Methimezole to 20mg/day. Since then, I've been all out of whack!! Not sure where to start...

Ok, Hmmm.  I'm not sleeping well again. Pains in my arms are just getting worse.  Feeling fidgety all the time again, acne is getting bad and my sense of smell is stronger than Ever!!! I also feel my throat is swollen a bit, not bad, just annoying. My body temp. changes are drastic and unpredictable. Ugh! I'm not sure about my moods, I'll have to ask my husband...

I will now be going back to my Dr. more frequently again. =( I hope that we can get this figured out soon because I do Not like feeling like this.

I'm almost out of my prescription of Vitamin D, Dr. said that my deficiency is all cleared up...
Although I will still have take otc 1,000 units/day once I am out of the script...


We shall see how things go from here on out...

I forgot to ask my Dr. about my eyes, but plan on getting an eye appt. soon anyway...

Ugh! What a month.

Two weeks ago, I went to the ER for an urinary tract infection, got the meds but felt awful for over a week and a half. =( Then this weekend was the start of "hell". On top of the end of the UTI and Cramps from my worse than ever period, my husband and I both got food poisoning. Yuck! My body feels like giving up. I'm still exhausted and my stomach is still churning a bit.

The last few days I've noticed that I have what my first thought was pink-eye, but just glazed over red blotches, especially along the bottom "outside"  of my iris. My eyes constantly feel dry and it's been increasingly difficult to focus on the computer or TV.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting the beginning of TED. Glad I'm going to my Endo next week. Maybe she'll have some insight, then I will make an eye doctor appointment, if I can find one. 
I've been feeling emotionally better, other than PMS. So I am curious if my levels have come down some more. Got blood drawn this morning...fingers are crossed and knees are on the floor.
I'll update what I find out next week.

I believe it's working...

As I've recently written, the weather here is SoCal has been overcast and dreary. But, yesterday and today have been Glorious! =) The Vitamin D does seem to help my mood, although I am still having the shooting pains. Oh well. I'll get through it...I hope the warmer sunny weather will help. Waking up to blue skies has definitely helped my mentality. To me, that's a huge step! =)

In conversation today with some friends, the topic of Blood Type came up. We read some very interesting articles. I'll posted the links below. I am O+ and strangely enough, the diet recommended for me includes a variable diet of foods rich in iodine! (Not too good for hypER people). One article states that O+ people are prone to hypOthyroid symptoms, guess I missed that part of the blood cell. ;)~ But there are a bunch of things listed that make sense to how I am as a person and how my body reacts to things. So very cool! =) Who knows what else I'll learn from these sites, I look forward to reading more.

http://www.thenaturalhealthplace.com/Articles/BloodTypeO.html

http://www.dadamo.com/bloodtype_O.htm

Yay for the day!

I actually feel pretty good today, other than still being tired...no matter how much coffee I've had this morning. Mentally though, I feel very energetic and social. Big improvement from the past few days, that's for sure. I guess the Vitamin D Is working! =) YAY! I hope this continues!

Reminders...

The company I work for has blood drives every few months which I think is absolutely great. It just sucks for me because I can't donate. I used to as often as I could (when I wasn't getting something pierced, have to wait 6months after that). 
Now every time I see a flier, a poster, or an e-mail relating to the blood drive I am reminded yet again, that I am sick. 
I've been feeling mentally better in the past month or so, but the last few weeks have had me all jumbled up emotionally. When it comes to "that time of the month" I've noticed a huge change in the way I feel and think. I dislike it all to the max!!! Feeling completely alone, slipping into a depression - knowing, but not being able to stop myself. 

Since knowing that I have a Vitamin D deficiency I've looked back and I've realized how much the weather has affected me. I've said, for as long as I can remember that, I need the sun, overcast weather makes me gloomy. Well, apparently I'm right, in more ways than I realized. Go figure, I move out to "Sunny Southern California" with my husband and it's been overcast now for almost two months. The afternoons the sun will break through for a little while, but of course, I am inside and unable to enjoy it. When my husband and I were in St. Lucia for our honeymoon, I felt great! Now I know, it's because I was in the strong hot sun almost all day, everyday (that, and being on my honeymoon ;] ). I hope that the supplement of Vitamin D will help, it's been two weeks now, should be seeing some improvement soon.

I've been seeing a lot people around my neighborhood with babies. I hear them at night in our complex... People I know are getting pregnant all the time, (it seems). The comments from friends "now that you're married..", etc... is making me remember every minute of every day that I can't have my dream come true...yet. At least I am hoping it's only Yet. At my last visit to my Endo, she made a comment that if I want to start trying for a baby, we'd hold off on the RAI. So different from what she's said in the past. I believe it's because my husband was with me. But that made me think. Do I really want to try, now. As much as I truly do, I know I would not be able to handle having a child. Hearing the babies in my complex cry at night not only makes me want one, but it also makes me really annoyed. I don't want to deal with a crying kid. To not be able to sleep a full night, I'm a huge Crank if I don't get my sleep. If I loose any, I'll be unbearable, to myself and to my poor husband who has to deal with me enough.

I know I've written that I'm unsure if I should get a second opinion for my GD, but as my husband pointed out, this Endo has helped, and we are continually seeing results. I guess I'm just impatient. I wanted the results I have now, the day after I first went to her. My levels are coming down, the "plan" is to level out then reduce my medication until I no longer need it or I need RAI. At least this is the impression I got from her. Either way, I am a few steps closer to "Well" than I was six months ago.
That is something I need to Remember everyday!

6/30/10 - forgot to post this

Well, the first couple days of Vit. D didn't seem to be much different. Not that I expected them to be... 

I have not been sleeping well lately. Not sure if it's my bed or what, but I have been waking up so sore and achy. The shooting pains have been coming back as well. Shooting through my arms mostly, but also my knees feel like someone is trying to dig something out of them.


The worst thing this past week is how emotional I've become. I've been crying at the drop of a hat. I just want to curl up in a ball by myself. I feel like being alone, want to wrap myself in a ball on the couch and do nothing. But at the same time, all I want is for someone to be with me so I'm not alone. I'm quite the mixed up person...as you can tell.