The things I hate most

The things I hate most about this disease in random order:

• I can't sleep well
• I never know what I want to eat, yet am always starving
• The unmentionables - if you have Graves', you know what I mean...
• Being over-emotional for No reason
• Not feeling much excitement, although I KNOW I am excited, or at least Should be
• The Depression
• The feeling of being a ticking time bomb
• Being completely oblivious to life as it passes me by
• Paranoia, (everyone is out to make me miserable!!!!!)
• Knowing and Feeling COMPLETELY different things
• Drastic temperature changes
• Physical aches and pains
• Lack of patience
• Getting Blood-work done every three to four weeks
• The Doctor visits
• Not seeing improvement...

If half of this list would turn around, it would be easier for me to deal with myself...

agh, here we go again

I was feeling pretty good for the last week or so, not perfect but I was getting through the days without too many complaints. Yesterday and Today, feels like things are getting back to the way they were. The pains are starting to come back with a vengeance.   My head is everywhere, nothing seems to click in my mind. I feel soo completely exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get, it's not enough. I just want to feel like myself, is that too much to ask?


I've been trying to Not freak out or get too stressed, but my wedding is in three and half weeks and my acne has not gotten any better. I can't even look at myself in the mirror with out having or putting on make-up.  I cannot wait to get away and sit on the white beaches in the warm sunshine and warm water...

It's all okay, I think

So the meds seem to be having a positive effect on me, thank goodness!!!  I still need tons of coffee to feel like myself, but at least that's better than being in my own world all the time and not being able to deal with life. I am still getting the pains through my arms and legs, but they don't seem to be as bad. Although they are happening more often... 
I am soo tired all the time, and I'm tired of being tired... 

Okay, I guess the meds are working! =)

Today, feel pretty good. I slept fairly well last night and my head feels clearer. I am hoping beyond all hopes that the pains I was feeling yesterday won't return. 
Checked with my Dr. and she said it's Okay to use allergy medication, I am so glad!


I'm not sure others are taking the Methimezole the same as I. I take two 10 mg a day, both at once. My dr. said some people take them once in the morning and once again at night, but I can do both at once to keep it simple and easy for me to remember. It does make it easier, the way it is already, my alarm on my phone goes off at the same time everyday and I sometimes still have to think what it's for...lol.


Only 41 days until my wedding, I hope my acne get better by then. If I don't see improvement by my next follow-up (May 3rd), I will request to see a Dermatologist!!!


I will stay positive, this feeling will not go away! (I hope ;) )

The Dr. says...

My Endocrinologist doubled my dose of medication and said to wait another month to see how I am doing...
I'm still HypER...but my levels have come down at least a tiny bit...
So, another month of pain and aggravation, headaches and lost sleep. Oh yay for me!!! And oh my poor fiance! I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes.


Weight is level, blood pressure is down so we will see how things go from here on out.

Hmph!

I am mentally trying to stay positive, but my body is screaming at me! I have had shooting and aching pains in my arms and hands and especially my left wrist, my legs have been hurting too. I hope with all I am that tomorrow will be a successful visit to the Dr.


No matter how much Aleve I take, the pain is still there...It makes me remember at all times that I have to deal with this. What scares me the most is that even if my thyroid get leveled, the damage has been done and I might have to be this way forever. I pray that I won't, that's all I can do.

Staying Positive

A friend from work, whom I've only known for a few months said to me today that he sees a lot of positive energy in me. I take pride in this, although I know I have not been feeling so positive lately. Life seems to have gotten out of my control and I don't know how to cope. Today is a much better day than yesterday, but I am hoping it will get better. 


I had blood drawn this morning for my follow up on Monday morning. I am anxious to know if my levels have come down.  If they have not, I am hoping that I can be put on a different medication. the one I am on now is making me go crazy. :{


Other than this freakin disease, my life is good, no, Great! =) I have  an awesome guy that get to marry in just over a month! Not to mention an awesome job. I live in southern California! I get to see the ocean on my drive to and from work and by just walking out of my office door. With so many awesome things in my life, I still get depressed and negative. I am grateful to know that it is because I have this disease and not that I am a pathetic person! =)


Graves' is my cross to bear, I will carry it with strength and honor. God may give us more that we can handle alone, but He doesn't give us more than we can handle without him!

='( ={ :/ =] =} ={ ='(

I had a Very emotional day today. Maybe it's because I didn't have much to do at work, but I sat there thinking about my life and questioned every aspect of it. I know I'm not rational these days and it's getting to me...
I started wondering if I should really get married. (I should) Should I get a new job? (No) Should I wait to go back to school? (I shouldn't but I will because my health is more important right now) Oh, and then the question is "what do I go to school for?"
Of course each question was pondered in great length and detail...just way too much to write, I don't have the patience to type it all out.


I feel like everyone is out to get me, in some way shape or form, my life is just here for people to stomp on me, to get what they want and need and then move me aside. Consciously, I know this is not true, but emotionally, I feel this way today.


I really wish it wasn't frowned upon to bang my head against the wall or to cry at work. ={

So tired of being tired...

The past two weeks or so, I have been experimenting on ways to get a better nights' sleep.

I've tried:

• Having a drink close to bed time to get me drowsy - 
• that just made me wake up in the night to get a drink of water, that in turn made me wake up to use the restroom.
• Staying up later than usual to make me more tired - 
• just makes me want to sleep in in the morning.
• Going to bed early so I won't sleep in - 
• made me wake wide awake around 3am and just stare at the ceiling for what seems like hours then if I get up then to start my day, I'm exhausted by 10am.
• Don't drink coffee more than one 8oz. cup in the morning
• dead tired by 2pm, have to have another cup
• Big cup of coffee in the morning to keep myself going longer
• can't fall asleep cause my mind is still going full speed

What else can I do...? 

I go for my follow up next Monday...fingers crossed something will get better afterwards.

Ouch Again...actually Still.

My left arm has been hurting more than usual lately but more of a sprained feel, not shooting pain as much, and my right eye is twitching almost non stop. Not to mention my throat has been feeling Really swollen. I know the pollen count around LA has been high and seems to keep climbing. Thanks wind!
I've been better emotionally, but still think I'm having anxiety attacks. Fun Fun! (At least I haven't lost my sarcasm. lol!)
Only another week until I get blood drawn for my follow up. I am excited at the thought of my levels being lower. Not expecting anything miraculous though. Better to expect the worst and hope for the best than the other way around I think.