Poem of questions - What do you think?

My World

© Cara Jayde Mackellar

Love. Is that what I crave?
If it is, then why can't I find it?
Hate. Does that mean anger?
If it does, then why do I feel hollow?
Pain. Does that mean suffering?
If it does, then why does it feel comforting?
Memories. Are they not images of the past?
If they are, why is there only shadows?
Smiles. Does that mean happiness?
If it does, then why does it hurt?
Life. What does it mean?
Should it mean any of these things?
If it doesn't, then why are they there?

Source: My World, Alone Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-world#ixzz1uTwIwjBN
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com

Feeling frustrated...

I've been mentally blocking myself from dwelling on the fact that this Disease still has so much impact on my life. I've been feeling better, but the mood swings are still around. It's like getting hit with a brick sometimes, other times I'll being doing great and slowly but surely, I start feeling angry or sad for no apparent reason. Which of course, in turn makes me frustrated and more angry... I have also been feeling completely disconnected from myself lately. I am looking into the possibility of depression, but I am hoping that it is just an adjustment period and things will improve as time goes on.

I've been doing some research to find out exactly what the antibody is that defines Graves' Disease. I'm tired of only finding articles about Hyperthyroidism and only small mentions of what Graves' actually is. I know the symptoms, I've dealt with them for over a year now...but WTH?!?!? How come there is no New news on this disease?

A few months ago, I watched  "Behind the Music - Missy Elliot", the story of Missy Elliot's bout with Graves' Disease. Although it's great that she is doing well and that Graves' was talked about, I am sorely disappointed in the way it was portrayed. If I knew nothing about the disease and watched that episode, I would Only think, "Oh, poor Missy E, she lost a ton of weight and got really jittery." (Very sarcastically too, of course). Another "celeb" that was in the news for a thyroid issue was Jose Reyes, former shortstop of the NY Mets (now with the Miami Marlins). His bout with hyperthyroidism was dealt with and brushed under the rug within about a month, and he was only "out of commission" for a couple weeks.

To me, these instances are not appropriately portrayed in the media. Any disease that is as debilitating as Graves', Hashimotos' or spontaneous thyroiditus, should have more coverage, better information available and better "Treatment" options,. Not just Fix 'Em and Forget 'Em.
I can't tell you how many times I've read and heard about Drs. who don't want anything to do with patients, especially those of us who want and need answers. The "Specialists" don't seem to know anything more than the basic conditions of Thyroid diseases. Most of the Drs. that I've found online or have been told about, seem to concentrate on Diabetes, with Thyroid problems as just PART of their practices. With Thyroid Diseases affecting as many people in the world as they do, why isn't there more concrete information and why don't Drs. do more to increase awareness?? Why does it seem that these diseases get brushed off the shoulders of Medical professionals and the Media alike? Is it because it's 'Hormonal" issues?

Awareness needs to be raised, not just about the instant impacts of these diseases, but the residual as well.

Six Months of Remission

So the Doctor didn't have much to say this appointment. But then again, I didn't really want to be there, I just wanted my lab results and made that pretty clear. He gave me the report from this last time and the one before to compare. I'm still within "normal" range! =) I'm very excited and relieved. I was going to post the numbers of both, but realize now that I don't have a copy of the previous results. But here are the newest ones, blood drawn on March 1:


                                       Ref. Range
TSH:  1.08                         0.40 - 4.50 
T4 Total: 7.6                      4.5 - 12
T3 Uptake: 32                    22 - 35
T4 Free Calculated: 2.4        1.4 - 3.8
T3 Total: 94                       76 - 181


I've been feeling, for the most part, the best I've felt in a long time. The symptoms I've been noticing are not symptoms of Graves', instead, just stress. I've been working to reduce the amount of stress in every area of my life. 
Last week, I went for a massage for the first time in two years and it felt amazing! I could literally feel the tension leaving the surface muscles. My mental and emotional state changed for a couple days though, I could tell that my body was purging itself of toxins. I now feel good and plan to continue with a regular massage regimen. :)


Well, that is all I have to write today...


 You can follow me on twitter, if you would like. I will be tweeting about a positive attitude and stress free living. @juliebmattoon

Update, to be continued...

It's been over six months since I was taken off all medication. I've been going through quite a bit since then and stress can feel like a killer...

Lately I've been feeling like I might be going HypER, but when I sat back and really put thought into it, it might be that I've been feeling more HypO, than hypER. The symptoms I've been noticing could go either way, so it's been difficult to figure it out. I haven't been stressing about it though, as I know that I am seeing my Dr. tomorrow and getting the results of my labs taken last week.

I could list all the symptoms I've been feeling, but I really don't want to see them written out. I'm afraid that if I do, I will start obsessing about it and get myself worked up for nothing. I will see what my Dr. has to say before I get ahead of myself.

Three Months (almost) of Remission

It's been almost three months since coming off all medication and I've been feeling pretty darn great. Apart from this week.

Last week I went for my annual physical and my GP says everything looks great although my blood pressure was a little low. He is not concerned though, due to my history of naturally low BP. It made me smile when he told me I could eat more salt to help raise it. I love salty foods. ;) So after a month of no medication I gained five pounds! I was really excited, but then I weighed myself the other morning and I have lost those pounds again. I'm wondering if it had anything to do with the fact that I have been more physically active lately or if it was the multi-vitamin I have been taking the past couple weeks. I realize now that it contains iodine. I've stopped taking it and have felt more normal than I have in ages!

Although I am "well" again, I do think about what I've been through and all the people just starting out on their journeys. I hope that what I've written will help those people know that they are not alone and will encourage them to research as much as possible about this disease, as there is new information out there. I also hope that what I've written about will educate people on what this disease is capable of, even if what I experienced is not as bad as it could be. 

I am so glad to be moving on with my life, grateful (as weird as that sounds) for this disease. It taught me a lot about the human body and a lot about myself. This might only be a temporary remission, but I am so happy to have a reprieve.

1 Month in Remission - Update

Well, it's been a month of no medication, yay!! I had my blood drawn this past Saturday and my Endo's office called this morning to report that my thyroid levels are Normal! :) So glad!



I don't need to see him until March of 2012, but I'm a little concerened that I don't need to get tested again until a week before my appt. That's SIX MONTHS of not being tested... Is this normal? Wouldn't it make sense to monitor it, at least biMonthly until then? I guess I sound critical, but this my  health, I don't like to mess around with it! I'm thinking that if things are still ok in October, when I go for my annual physical with my Primary GP, then I'll just sit back and not worry. But if anything changes in how I feel, then I will most definitely look into getting a personal "script" for bloodwork, online.
 
Hoping to continue in remission "bliss".
On to figure out other issues...like the probability of fibromyalsia... The fun doesn't stop.
 
Grateful for what I have and for what I don't!

Ugh, Allergies...Hoping that's it though! =]

Went to the ENT Dr. last night. He seems convinced that my breathing issues are because of seasonal allergies. I'm hoping he's right. 
I was given a steroid nasal inhaler to use every morning, Singulaire for at night, and was told to take Claritin 24hour (w/o the decongestant) every morning as well. I am to follow up in 7-10 days and also get an audio hearing test done. 

On the up side, my blood pressure is down =) and I haven't felt as "crazy" as I have been. I'm still forgetful, but hopfully that will improve with the allergy management.

Here's to feeling fully like myself again soon!!! *clink*   ;]

Looking forward to some more answers.

Yay, I was able to get an appointment with an Ear Nose & Throat Dr. for this evening. I hope to get some answers about not being able to breathe correctly, my ears feeling clogged although they are perfectly clean, my throat feeling thick and my head feeling like it wants to explode at times. Hoping it's just seasonal allergies, but who knows... I'll update as soon as I know something. :)

Update - Great News!! =}

So, I am done taking Methimezole. My Dr. thinks I'm IN REMISSION!!!! :) YAY!!! I go for blood work in a month to see how I'm doing without ANY medication!!! I'm so relieved to not have to worry about making sure to take them...lol!


I have been having some issues with breathing though. My throat has been feeling tick and swollen, my ears have been either ringing or muffled and my seasonal allergies have been really bad this year. So, my Dr. referred me to an ENT Dr., I'm looking forward to being able to get an appointment. Hopefully I'll be able to get a handle on things soon. =}

Sheesh, where has the time gone...?

It's been Quite a while since I've written, Mainly because I've been exhausted! Working ten hours of overtime a week for the past six weeks...and it'll continue for who knows how long. 


Other than exhaustion, I've been feeling pretty good. I still have the pains in my arms and legs,  arms mostly. My throat is still swollen but not as bad as it has been. My mind is fairly sharp and I've learned to recognize if I'm about to get upset/angry over nothing and able to curb my "want" to release my frustrations...this, I feel is a Big step! ;] I go to my Dr. in July and I'm hoping that the visit will bring me closer to having my thyroid removed.


I wish I had the time energy to put into researching and posting more, but I am Very grateful for the blogs I follow and the sites I'm a part of, to keep me up to date on interesting  and informative articles and studies. But I am mostly grateful for just knowing that I am not alone in my frustrations and fears associated with this disease.  It's been well over a year since my diagnosis and even though I still Feel as though I am no closer to having a permanent solution, I Know that I am on the right path...This is not something that can be cured, nor can any treatment be successfully done overnight. I am still new on my journey, but I have the privilege of being able to connect to others who are suffering and to those who have been successfully able to live full lives with this disease. This give me hope.