Coming out of Remission...?

The past few weeks I have been feeling some old symptoms creeping back. Had some sort of panic/anxiety attack on my way home from work tonight and my leg started shaking. Scared the crap out of me. My heart has been pounding erratically today. I am hoping that I'll feel better tomorrow, otherwise it's off to the ER. So hoping that GD is not going to take over my life again. I've been in remission for just over a year but now...I feel like life is spiraling out of control again. 

I didn't realize how many symptoms I have had of late, until I started writing them down tonight. So many of them I related to having a cold, or allergies or my menstrual cycle, but seeing them on paper reminds me how everything in the body is connected. 

Symptoms I've been feeling over the past two weeks

• Not sleeping much at night/exhausted all day
• Shooting pains in fingers and arms
• Rapid Heart beat
• Memory lapsing
• Brain fog
• Dry/gritty/heavy eyes
• Drastic Body Temp changes
• Stuffy head and ears
• Can't get deep breath
• Heartburn
• Gas
• Breast enlargement/tenderness
• Back//Hip pain
• Eyes not focusing
• Feeling Jittery/Shaking/trembling hands
• Legs shaking/"jumping" while driving

What is going on!?!

I have not been myself lately, at all. I've been feeling completely disconnected from myself and not interested in anything. As of my last appointment with my Endo, my levels are within normal range. I've been having some added stress, so I have expected to not fully feel myself, but what I've been experiencing is way beyond what I think is just stress. I was completely unaware of any of it though, until recently, when my husband told me what he's noticed.  Now I can see it pretty clearly...

I got my levels checked a couple weeks ago and they are "within normal range", but I did notice that they are elevated from when I was taken off my medication last year.

I've been looking into Depression with Graves, being Euthyroid, and I'm feeling like I am learning about Graves from scratch. I don't remember anything I learned when first diagnosed! Reading the findings, I feel so overwhelmed and I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I don't want to believe that this disease is still affecting me. I want to be done with it!!!

Poem of questions - What do you think?

My World

© Cara Jayde Mackellar

Love. Is that what I crave?
If it is, then why can't I find it?
Hate. Does that mean anger?
If it does, then why do I feel hollow?
Pain. Does that mean suffering?
If it does, then why does it feel comforting?
Memories. Are they not images of the past?
If they are, why is there only shadows?
Smiles. Does that mean happiness?
If it does, then why does it hurt?
Life. What does it mean?
Should it mean any of these things?
If it doesn't, then why are they there?

Source: My World, Alone Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-world#ixzz1uTwIwjBN
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com

Feeling frustrated...

I've been mentally blocking myself from dwelling on the fact that this Disease still has so much impact on my life. I've been feeling better, but the mood swings are still around. It's like getting hit with a brick sometimes, other times I'll being doing great and slowly but surely, I start feeling angry or sad for no apparent reason. Which of course, in turn makes me frustrated and more angry... I have also been feeling completely disconnected from myself lately. I am looking into the possibility of depression, but I am hoping that it is just an adjustment period and things will improve as time goes on.

I've been doing some research to find out exactly what the antibody is that defines Graves' Disease. I'm tired of only finding articles about Hyperthyroidism and only small mentions of what Graves' actually is. I know the symptoms, I've dealt with them for over a year now...but WTH?!?!? How come there is no New news on this disease?

A few months ago, I watched  "Behind the Music - Missy Elliot", the story of Missy Elliot's bout with Graves' Disease. Although it's great that she is doing well and that Graves' was talked about, I am sorely disappointed in the way it was portrayed. If I knew nothing about the disease and watched that episode, I would Only think, "Oh, poor Missy E, she lost a ton of weight and got really jittery." (Very sarcastically too, of course). Another "celeb" that was in the news for a thyroid issue was Jose Reyes, former shortstop of the NY Mets (now with the Miami Marlins). His bout with hyperthyroidism was dealt with and brushed under the rug within about a month, and he was only "out of commission" for a couple weeks.

To me, these instances are not appropriately portrayed in the media. Any disease that is as debilitating as Graves', Hashimotos' or spontaneous thyroiditus, should have more coverage, better information available and better "Treatment" options,. Not just Fix 'Em and Forget 'Em.
I can't tell you how many times I've read and heard about Drs. who don't want anything to do with patients, especially those of us who want and need answers. The "Specialists" don't seem to know anything more than the basic conditions of Thyroid diseases. Most of the Drs. that I've found online or have been told about, seem to concentrate on Diabetes, with Thyroid problems as just PART of their practices. With Thyroid Diseases affecting as many people in the world as they do, why isn't there more concrete information and why don't Drs. do more to increase awareness?? Why does it seem that these diseases get brushed off the shoulders of Medical professionals and the Media alike? Is it because it's 'Hormonal" issues?

Awareness needs to be raised, not just about the instant impacts of these diseases, but the residual as well.

Six Months of Remission

So the Doctor didn't have much to say this appointment. But then again, I didn't really want to be there, I just wanted my lab results and made that pretty clear. He gave me the report from this last time and the one before to compare. I'm still within "normal" range! =) I'm very excited and relieved. I was going to post the numbers of both, but realize now that I don't have a copy of the previous results. But here are the newest ones, blood drawn on March 1:


                                       Ref. Range
TSH:  1.08                         0.40 - 4.50 
T4 Total: 7.6                      4.5 - 12
T3 Uptake: 32                    22 - 35
T4 Free Calculated: 2.4        1.4 - 3.8
T3 Total: 94                       76 - 181


I've been feeling, for the most part, the best I've felt in a long time. The symptoms I've been noticing are not symptoms of Graves', instead, just stress. I've been working to reduce the amount of stress in every area of my life. 
Last week, I went for a massage for the first time in two years and it felt amazing! I could literally feel the tension leaving the surface muscles. My mental and emotional state changed for a couple days though, I could tell that my body was purging itself of toxins. I now feel good and plan to continue with a regular massage regimen. :)


Well, that is all I have to write today...


 You can follow me on twitter, if you would like. I will be tweeting about a positive attitude and stress free living. @juliebmattoon

Update, to be continued...

It's been over six months since I was taken off all medication. I've been going through quite a bit since then and stress can feel like a killer...

Lately I've been feeling like I might be going HypER, but when I sat back and really put thought into it, it might be that I've been feeling more HypO, than hypER. The symptoms I've been noticing could go either way, so it's been difficult to figure it out. I haven't been stressing about it though, as I know that I am seeing my Dr. tomorrow and getting the results of my labs taken last week.

I could list all the symptoms I've been feeling, but I really don't want to see them written out. I'm afraid that if I do, I will start obsessing about it and get myself worked up for nothing. I will see what my Dr. has to say before I get ahead of myself.