Trying to be Positive today...

Well, I am more and more convinced that I am going back to HypER. 
The symptoms keep mounting. I posted earlier, my list of symptoms from when this all started and I have the majority of them again now. Not still, again. 
The Vitamin D helping my mood has been the biggest improvement since all of this started and I can't say how happy (truly happy) I am that I've seen at least that change.


Ok, so I told myself I won't complain today. I'll look at things in a positive light, well maybe just make up excuses... ;)
  

• The weight loss, it's gotten me back to where I was when I was diagnosed. I look pretty good!
• I don't have to drink as much coffee in the morning as I was.  Save time.
• I'm making myself think of the pains I get, are aches from walking so much.
• My lonely feelings, they are for my bed, to just have a lazy time during a gloomy weather day.
• The shortness of breath, that's just cause I have on a tight shirt and I slouch... My own doing...

Is it wrong that I want to look at things this way?

List of symptoms...

I was diagnosed in Oct. 2009.  Here's my list of symptoms with an asterisk by each I still have:

*Shortness of breath
*Extreme hot flashes
Shortened periods/*Extreme cramps
*Insomnia/*Exhaustion!!!
*Joint pain/Muscle pain/Jaw Pain
*Lack of concentration!!!
*Short Term Memory Loss
Shaky hands/mind
*Lightheaded
*Insatiable appetite
*Weight Fluctuation
*Snippy/Irritable
*Dry/Heavy eyes
*Depression
*Swollen Throat/difficulty swallowing
*Digestive inconsistencies
*Hair Changes - texture, loss, curl
Nails even more brittle than ever before
*Increased Allergy Symptoms

This is my life...

My head has been pounding for two weeks or so now, it'll wear off later in the day, it's joined then replaced by congestion. But, I can't tell where the congestion is in my head. I just feel it everywhere. These are the same symptoms of people around me, yet they have had the worst of it in a few days and done with it all within a week or so. This just doesn't seem to want to actually take me down, just haunt me that I could feel worse at any point.

I yet again, have no motivation to get things done, even though I feel pretty "good" today. I have some energy, but can't concentrate on anything for more than a few min. at a time. I have so much cleaning to do and errands to run. I just want to sit and do nothing. I hate feeling so blah.

My symptoms seems to continue and get worse everyday. This past Thursday was the moodiest I have been in quite a while. I felt on edge the whole day, ready to cry at any second, or snap for that matter.The pains running through my arms, hands and legs are getting more often and intense. I hope that my body "readjusts" to less medication soon...

The need for change

Since starting this blog, I believe this is the third template I've used. I think this is the one that will remain the longest. It suits me I believe, I've customized it to my liking, but as anyone, I do get bored. Who knows, maybe in a few more months it will change again.I like change, but mostly only if I initiate it. Change that I cannot control makes me irritable. Watch out world!

The weather lately here in SoCal has suited my moods quite wonderfully. Ever changing!

It's cold, that's how I feel toward my Dr. (even though I know she has my best interest in mind). 

It's overcast with a chance of sun, this is how my days progress, gloomy with a chance to see my best shine through.

It's Sunny and bright, this is how I feel when left to my own devices. When I can sink into my own little comfort zone of JulieWorld.

It's warm, this is how feel toward the people I care about, they have seen me go through so much and are still by my side, even if only in spirit and phone calls/texts.

Speaking of weather, this brings to mind what my Dr. said about Vitamin D (The Sun Vitamin).

I will be tested next round of bloodwork, to see if I really need to continue taking a supplement. I am nervous about this, what will I be like if I'm not taking it? Will my good moods be suppressed again? Will I become depressed again? I think I'll do some research. If anyone has experience with this, please let me know. =)

Eye Dr. said

I'm all good. =) Yay for some good news! Vision is 20/20. I do seem to have an issue of my eyelids staying slightly open while I sleep causing dry patches. This could be caused by Graves', but not necessarily so I'm hoping it's not. ;) He gave me some gel drops and they seemed to help last night. =)

Grrrrrr!!!

Went to the Dr. this morning, she said my levels are on the low end of "normal" and even though I feel like I've been really hyper compared to how I felt with more meds, she is convinced I'm fine. Is it normal for Endocrinologists to be so hard headed? 
I don't feel as good as I KNOW I could...Don't I have a say in how I should be treated? 
I've lost 5lbs. since my last visit 4 weeks ago. I know this doesn't sound like much, but it is to me. I have been tracking how I feel on each dosage of meds. I have to live with this everyday! I know what's not right, and I feel like my dr. doesn't care because a piece of paper says my levels are "Within the Normal range"! 
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!
So now, I have to stay on the current dosage for six more weeks. =[ I really really hope things start looking up.

Beyond my aggravation of the above, I now feel as though I want to curl up into a ball and just disappear.  Paranoia has reared it's ugly head, making me feel as though everyone is out to make my life a living hell. I know this is not logical, but it is what's going on in my head. I can't relax, I can't let my shoulders fall to their natural position. Nope, they are up close to my ears every min. of every day. 


I go to the eye Dr. tomorrow for the first time since being diagnosed. I'm nervous, but excited that I will have a better grasp on why my eyes ache and other symptoms that have annoyed me over the past few months. Hopefully the redness on the outsides of my iris will be explained.

Frustration...Venting...Confusion...

Why do I feel like this? Why can't this all just go away...? I am so tired of not feeling like me. It's like there is another person living in my head and the me I knew just disappeared... 
I can't do anything without stressing myself out, my head is spinning in all different directions and I can't figure out how to stop it.
Being on the Vitamin D supplement has helped my mood, but everything else seems to have gotten worse again. 
Got blood drawn yesterday, appointment is next Monday. 
I have a feeling my levels have gone up, instead of leveling out. I think the drop in my dosage might have been too drastic. I've started loosing weight again, not a lot, but I'm not gaining or just being level like I was. The pains in my arms and legs have increased quite a bit. In fact, I'm not sleeping well and when I do actually sleep, I'm awoken by "charlie horses" in my legs and Feet. =[
The more research I do on this disease and the treatments, the more stressed I feel and more confused I become. I don't want to become any more obsessed, I feel I have nowhere to turn for clear cut answers.
I know that every person is different and this disease affects everyone at a different degree, but I am so frustrated that I can't seem to find the answers I'm looking for. What is right for Me? I'm so tired of going in circles with myself and others around me about what to do... It's been just under a year since being diagnosed and even though I am thrilled with the results I've gotten so far and that I know what I have to deal with, I still feel as confused and "in shock" that I have to deal with this as when I was first told.